Communication for Dummies

Dear Bitch Face,

It would probably be a good idea to think before you speak. In fact, try not speaking at all. Your voice is rather annoying. Try taking up another activity, such as scuba diving, or rock climbing. But if you insist on verbal communication, take some things into consideration...

1. Don't talk shit about person "A" to person "B" and then go to person "B" and talk shit about "A." You'll just piss people off, and that's no way to make friends now, is it?

2. Mind your own fucking business. I don't feel the need to tell you every detail about my life, and I couldn't care less about who's taking a shit, and who's on who's myspace page.

3. Nobody really cares about your life, so do yourself a favor and save your breath. Maybe instead of talk about yourself all the time, you could practice meditation. I hear its really relaxing. Plus, it will be nice for everyone around you because we wont have to listen to your voice all the time (its like nails on a chalk board).

4. You are not better than anyone else, so don't act like it. Just because your "straight edge" or whatever doesn't mean anyone will like you more. In my opinion, you need to pop a few xanies, drink a fifth of vodka, and smoke a bleezy.

5. Don't make it a point to always tell people that you talk to so and so all the time. Congratulations, you talk to certain people and you have 50 million fucking myspace friends....fuck i wish i was cool like you.


Now, I want you to really pay attention to what I just told you because it will work out in your favor - promise.