Remember that one time when you went to that party, but decided not to drink because you were 14 and your friend's mom (who, by the way, makes the best fucking peanut butter cookies EVER) was picking you up in 3 and a 1/2 hours?? Then, you witness what they call a "drunken teenage slut" dragging your friend up to his room and you decide "fuck it, lets get shit faced." Then you took about 4 shots of Bacardi, and brought a bottle of malibu rum out to the backyard with your blonde friend, and took turns gulping your sorrows away in hopes to forget the series of unfortunate events that just unfolded. As you stumbled inside, your breath smelling like you just drank some rubbing alcohol, you realize that life's always more fun when you don't care what you say, or how slurred your words are when you say it. You also realized that you were being fondled by a 12 year old boy, whose balls probably hadn't dropped yet.
As you sit with another friend, trying to help him during his emo (like nemo, without the n) times, your mind starts to drift and the next thing you know, you're singing a melody to the porcelain express, which I might add, was number one on the charts until you discovered the nastiness of Swiss cinnamon schnapps, aka, Goldschlager.... aka death by fire. (and at least i sang to a toilet instead of a shoe....). You remember seeing the black tears roll off your cheeks, into the bowl with floating McDonald's french fries in it. As the world spinned around you, you remember hearing "you have to get up, my mom is going to be here any minute." You respond "but what if i have to puke on the way home?" There was no time for questions, you just had to get in the car for what was going to be the longest, most nerve racking ride home ever.
You sit behind the passenger seat, right by the window, just incase you have to spew on the way home. As soon as you get out of the car after the 10 minute car ride (which seemed like 10 hours) your blonde friend, who happened to be sitting in the middle, pukes out your side of the car...while the mom is still in the garage. As you try to hold back the laughter and vomit, you look back and forth between your friend, her mom, your puking buddy, and the teenage slut in an awkward moment of silence. Luckily, the car you drove home in was so big that your friends mom didnt notice the blonde upchucking her life out the side of the car.
Remember how most of you slept with bowls or trash cans next to you? Of course you don't, idiot, because thats my fucking memory. Oh, to be 14 and stupid again....good times, good times.
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3 comments:
You don't win until you do it while driving. Oh man, that was awesome.
So call me naive, or the girl who lives in a bubble, but I really didn't know that anyone other than Tele used the term "shit faced".
Ohh, the Cinnamon Schnapps. It makes my tummy all warm. I didn't puke it up though. Honestly I can say I have never puked up any booze. But, woo for you for actually using proper puking receptacles unlike my strange Tele.
Also, it appears from your writing that you have been studying writings from What I Actually Hear. If I didn't know I was reading your site I would have thought that it had been penned by Tele. But no, you just did a great imitation of his style. Cool.
That happened to you too? My experience was exactly the same! Except replace "12 year old boy" with "three 14 year old girls" and "friends mom" with "16 year old girl who actually drank you under the table and could still drive and sing some shitty song by SWV"
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